When it comes to wedding planning, some things are a given. A groom, a garter and something old, new, borrowed and blue are kind of obligatory. But other things are more a matter of choice – and, more importantly, a matter of taste. To invite the world and its mother or just the world? To ask the groom's opinion (and to take it?!).

These are the questions – and here are the answers. Taking the top 5 topics of wedded debate, here is a compiled list of the do's and don'ts of saying "I do".

1. Getting the Groom Involved

It's your (plural) big day, so surely you should both be involved in the wedding planning – but you just can't help wondering if it's really wise valuing the opinion of your color-blind counterpart who tells your mother he loves her leg-warmers and really means it. Is getting the groom involved a worth-while rehearsal for married life or a pre-nuptials no-no?

Do: get the groom involved on some level. While floral arrangements may not be his area of expertise, why not get him involved in the aspects that are? Sexist as it may seem, men are renowned for being good with money. Let him take care of the receipts and be in charge of monitoring the budget. By assigning the finances to your husband-to-be, you rid yourself of any resentment from your fiancé and put to rest all that boring, money business in the process.

Don't get him involved too much. He may be a sensitive, new-age man, but no amount of 'Nivea for Men' can change bad taste which most men are simply born with. Besides, whether you wear your hair up our down might not interest him excessively anyway.

If it's in anyway fashion, flowery or wedding-related, headhunt yourself only. If, however, you insist on asking him which wedding dress looks better on you, keep in mind that, generally speaking, the right answer is the one he doesn't pick. But don't try to run the whole show either – he wants to marry you, not your Hitler alter ego and we assume you'd prefer him to stay around at least until the wedding day, yes?

In short, do what you want – just don't want to excess.

2. Wearing 2nd Hand Wedding Dresses

Ok, so your friend or mother asks if you'd like to wear her wedding dress on your big day. What to do?

Do: consider the offer. Not only will accepting the offer keep possible tensions to a minimum, it will also reduce the cost of the ceremony. Seeking out something new can run into the thousands. So if your big day has a budget, this is one way to stick to it. Plus, if it's your mother's dress, you could do your vows vintage-style. This will add to the traditional tone of the big day, which is what fairy tale weddings are all about.

Don't dare to wear it the way you get it. It's unlikely it will fit you perfectly so be prepared to alter the size. It's your big day, you don't want to be remembered as the bride who wore her best friend's dress, just not quite as well. Also, sporting family heirlooms on the big day is always fashionable but, at a generation or so old, the heirlooms themselves often aren't. With a little nip, tuck and chuck of the shoulder pads, a seamstress can work wedding dress-wonders.

3. Big Weddings

Ok, so you love each other and want to show the world – but do you have to do it literally? Does your manicurist really need to come to your wedding?

Do: have a big wedding if that's what you want. It's not called the big day for nothing, right? Invite all your nearest and dearest because the more family and friends, the merrier and the more it will mean to you in the end. Of course it also means the more presents you'll get! Dull as they may sound, blenders and bread-knives are indispensable in creating a new family. So without wanting to sound cold, if you'd rather spend your money on some jeans than a toaster, a long guest list is the way to go.

Don't invite everyone you've ever met before in your life. It's called the big day, not the whopper.

Aside from the costliness of collecting a crowd, inviting the world and its mother will inevitably take from the intimacy of it all. Do you really want your marriage to the one person you're closest to in the world to be witnessed by people whose names you will spend half the ceremony trying to remember?

If you're from a big family, big weddings can seem inevitable. But if you start feeling obliged to invite everyone who shares your surname, stop. If you invite half your guests out of obligation, chances are they will turn up for the very same reason. Aside from the shame of being host to an obligation party, you don't want nameless faces and false niceties to be the order of your wedding day.

But if you still feel like the wicked witch of the guest list, there are ways around it. While resolving only to invite those family members you know and like may reduce the guest list to excess, you could go for just those you know. Great, great aunts that aren't that great anyway and long-lost cousins you've never actually met need not be invited.

Alternatively, why not invite everyone to the wedding ceremony but make the reception an adults-only affair? This will also encourage guests with children not to bring their children; cutting costs for you and your sweetheart.

4. Gift Lists

Now you've got the guest list sorted, it's time to tackle the gift list – only you can't help but worry that it's a pre-nuptials no-no. What to do?

Do: include a guest list if you want to (or if you don't want to receive three toasters). Not only is it no longer taboo, the majority of modern weddings have a gift list of some sort. Knowing it's considered poor form not to, most guests will come bearing a gift anyway, so it might as well be one you need and like. Simply make a list of all the things (within reason…) you would like to find in your house, attach the gift list to the invitations and then choose a reliable member of the wedding party to take charge of the list and monitor who has bought what. What more could you want?

Don't ask too much of your guests. It's ok to put big, expensive items on the list as a few of your friends might chip in and buy together. Do, however, make sure the gifts you ask for, irrespective of size, are necessary, unless you're the couple who has everything. The whole idea of wedding gifts is to set the new couple up with all the essentials. In other words, don't ask for a treadmill. And you don't need a hot-chocolate-maker or a foot spa either.

On another note, don't look a gift horse in the mouth by being picky. Specifying that you want a George Foreman grill and an American fridge (Bosch only, please) could come across as unappreciative and assuming and risks alienating your guests. Yes, you really want that George Foreman grill but remember, you also want your guests to turn up.

5. Mismatching Bridesmaids

Ok, you know it's tradition to put your bridesmaids in matching dresses but you want to go modern and mix it up a little. And that's fine – just don't mix it up too much…

Do: mismatch if you want to – or more importantly, if your bridesmaids want to. There's no point in putting your girlfriends into things they don't like as it will only make them feel uncomfortable and the ceremony look it.

Don't let them loose to choose for themselves without any input from you. Yes, everyone has different taste, but on your big day, only one person's opinion really matters and that's yours. Tell them they can look at dresses solo but not to so much as touch that credit card until you've given them the OK. Not only will this save them having to return it, it will also stop a build-up of lies and resentment. But if you do decide to take a complete backseat, do give them guidelines. Make sure they let each other know what they're going for – they don't have to match but they can't clash. Tell your friend that sometimes less is more; kindly remind your ‘rocker' friend that she's invited to your wedding, not your funeral, that sort of thing.

About the Author: Eva Hogan

Eva is a freelance journalist in Ireland. Having done some casual work for bridal magazine ‘Confetti', Eva's interest in writing wedding-related articles grew. A feature writer at heart, Eva writes articles offering tips, advice and basic information on tying the knot. Eva's only marriage plans involve a beach, a cocktail party and a certain Mr Depp.

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