Most women spend their entire time willing their partner to propose to them. But others – albeit not many – take matters into their own hands and ask the men to marry them. When it comes to who is doing the proposing, there are reasons for and against. On the one hand, you're a modern woman. On the other hand, you don't get a ring. Ah yes, to pop or not to pop, that is the question – and here is a list of the pros and cons to help you with the answer.

1. The Where & When

PROS:

The where and when is an important aspect of a proposal – especially the when. Most women just sit back and wait for their partner to propose but can end up waiting a long time. If you ask him to marry you, that's no longer an issue. But even if your partner is prompt in popping the question, timing can still be a problem. Not known for being romantic, men are not the best at perfectly timed proposals. Taking things into your own hands can be for the best if you want to avoid any nasty surprises. No longer will you have to worry about being proposed to at a gas station, at that time of the month, or – shock, horror – right in the middle of 'Desperate Housewives'!

CONS:

Unfortunately, the flipside of having no nasty surprises is that you'll get no surprises at all. Getting sprung with a surprise marriage proposal is half the fun of getting married and if you do the deed yourself, you'll miss out. But that's not all.

Not only will you not get that big surprise, your partner might not even get one either. Because of your romantic tendencies, chances are you'll propose on a bed of roses – in other words, the way it's expected to be.

With their penchant for picking the worst possible time and place, men are actually better when it comes to the surprise element. Ok, so being asked if you would like to “eh, you know…” in the Tampax aisle of your local supermarket might not be how you expected it would happen but you couldn't say it was cliché!

2. The Engagement Ring

PROS:

If you propose, you might miss out on the ring but it will keep you from missing out on the flirting. If you've got a ring on your engagement finger, you might never be hit on again making nights out with your girlfriends pretty dull. Sans sparkles however, you can have the best of both worlds.

But it's not just flirting for the sake of it – it's flirting for the benefits. Without a ring, you can wrap men around your little finger and get what you want – when you're in a rush and need to skip the queue; when you're not in a rush but just feel like it, that sort of thing...

CONS:

You may not be marrying for the money but – come on, admit it – you're partly marrying for the ring. Big and beautiful, an engagement ring is the best bit about getting engaged. Not only is it a nice reminder of how loved you are, it's also ideal to dress up an outfit and vital when passing a construction site. But not only will you not get a ring, you may even have to buy one for him! It's tradition for the question-popper to be the ring-shopper and giver as well. Although you might think your man won't want a ring, we are living in an era where metrosexuals are the new macho so there's no room to assume.

Some companies even sell engagement rings for men that have a more masculine feel than a simple band with a diamond solitaire. If he does want a ring, not only will it put you out of pocket and make you very jealous, it'll also leave you with quite a bit of explaining to do to your granny.

3. The Man's P.O.V.

PROS:

Men love it when women make the first move but they're always saying we don't do enough of it. By asking him to marry you, you are taking the reigns and the heat off of him. Not only does this make him happy, it also shows you to be a modern and unconventional woman which will ease any expectations of you as the traditional chef cooking, bottle-washing superwife.

CONS:

By asking him to marry you, not only are you robbing yourself of an experience you've always dreamed of, you're also very possibly stealing his manhood. While studies have shown that men are more open to being proposed to than they were in the past, they can still feel uncomfortable about the role reversal. They may feel their territory and manhood are being threatened if you decide to propose.

It's also been found that some men feel trapped when the woman does the proposing. Knowing how much courage it takes to go against convention, some men end up saying yes simply because they feel they can't say no. Although this may spare you the hurt and humiliation of rejection, it will only cause problems in the long run. You want your man to marry you because he wants to, not because he feels he can't really get out of it.

Whatever you think of the role reversal business, there are clearly reasons for and against popping the question. Should you decide to ask him to marry you, we've compiled you a list of the do's and don'ts of getting him to say "I do":

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About the Author: Eva Hogan

Eva is a freelance journalist in Ireland. Having done some casual work for bridal magazine ‘Confetti', Eva's interest in writing wedding-related articles grew. A feature writer at heart, Eva writes articles offering tips, advice and basic information on tying the knot. Eva's only marriage plans involve a beach, a cocktail party and a certain Mr Depp.

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